Resist
by Miss.Joffrey
Summary: What does Lily think after yet another Death Eater Attack. How does she keep the hate at bay? Written for some challenge. One story in One hour challenge. Its a little lalte though.


Resist

Its funny how when you feel a strong emotion, love, hate, euphoria, anger, all your morals seem to disappear. Your sense of wrong and right. She had overstepped the invisible line between them. They say there is a fine line between love and hate. The only thing she couldn't figure out, was which side she was on. When she said what she said, the look in his eyes. It scared her. It was hate, a burning passion that flared to life in his hazel eyes. The eyes that were once filled with such love were riddled with the black gooey substance that sticks to your heart and makes you reel back In fear, because you always thought you hated something. Veggies, the cold, paper cuts. But you've never felt hate as powerful as this. Hated with a fire being it that scorches you and kindles the flames until they consume you.

Tears come to her eyes as she remembers when she saw the hate. Its hard to resist the temptation to hate. As she found out. Her love had fought to gain dominance. It lost. If it had won he would be sitting here with her. She would never forgive herself for what she said to James. All she has to say is "How do you resist the dark abyss of hate?"

FLASHBACK

"Lily, are you alright?" James had come up behind her. No she was not alright. Another attack had just happened. In Hogsmead, the cold blooded man had looked at her. His snake tongue had darted out and licked up the side of her face.

"Too bad you are a muddblood, a muddblood whore who is not worthy to walk on the ground of the dirtiest squib. Yes it is a shame. Such talent, such beauty, wasted." he had said. He had touched her. He had spoken to her. And the whole time she had just sat there. Rigid with fear. Desperately wanting, needing to move, but paralyzed. He aimed his wand and the words formed on his lipless mouth. But she was saved. By none other then James Potter. It was quite spectacular. A painting of sparks and voices and screams. Until she was hit with a red spell. The agony that had seeped into her bones broke her. She fell to the floor and screamed. Her scream was full of pain. Nothing could convey the agony she felt of having your blood force out, drop by drop. Your bones breaking, bending until they snap. Her back arched and caved. Her vocal cords ruptured unable to take the screaming. She gurgled on her blood. The curse was killing her within. Her skin was being scooped off. Her nails being popped off. Then the pain had mounted to such a climax and then stopped.

"Lily are you ok" she was jerked back into the present. She slowly turned to look t him.

"No. No im not." she said tiredly. She turned to face the destruction of Hogsmead. The three broomsticks in flames.

" It'll be alright. He could of said those things to anybody." James said. She whipped around.

"No, No it couldn't of been anytime. It was me, it was me because I am muddblood. I wasn't suppose to be a witch. Im tainted for some reason. Im unworthy to know about wizards. Im untrustworthy. I don't know what the hell I am except that I am a muddblood. But why does that make me special? Your just a muggle with a wand. Right! Well apparently not because you have magic pumping through your veins. Don't I! isn't that beautiful substance fueling my heat right now. It could not of been anyone. It wouldn't of been you because you are a damn pureblood. You don't have to worry, you only have to look over you shoulder in fear of association but I cant disassociate myself. No matter where I go it will always be me. It doesn't even compare." she felt rage so deep that is tampered with her conduct. She had no morals anymore. What ever she said was not ethical. Somewhere deep down she felt love. That love was also blinding her sense of judgment. Somewhere deep own she was hoping he would never talk to her again and be safe. From there the rage took over.

"The muddblood next to the pureblood. And I hate you for it. I hate you so much it hurts and it tares me to pieces" She finished in a shout before collapsing in a heap on the sidewalk.

"Lily" he whispered sadly.

"Leave, Now!" she screamed. She looked up into his eyes before whispering.

"I hate you" she could feel the power and hate radiating off him. She didn't have to hear his footsteps to know he left. She felt the presence go and she suddenly felt cold.

END FLASHBACK

Sitting on the railing of the astronomy tower she thought over her words. Did she really hate James? She didn't think she did. But everything is so muddled right now. He hates her. Stupid Voldemort. This is the first time she was completely filled with blind hatred. All she could see was red. She wanted this man dead. He had ruined her life. She slowly stood up on the railing balancing with her arms out to the sides. She could do it. Jump right now . It felt good to have control over something. She could control her own fate. It's entirely up to her. Jump and end life, or keep going. Lily Evans may be lot of things. But she is not a quitter. She is a fighter. She will hate the temptations of sin. She will power through this hell they call life. She stayed in the railing and looked down below her. She stepped backwards and her foot hit solid ground. No she would not kill herself. Not today. People needed her. Sudden footsteps sounded behind her. She look back to see James.

"You came back" she whispered he looked up at her

"I've never been able to resist you and I hate myself for it."

A/N Not so sure how I feel bout this…not one of my best stories. I wrote it in quite a rush s I only had an hour…if you find any mistakes just say it in the review. Ok guys this is my FIRST EVERY STORY! Im sure you all can believe that, but if you could just review and give me some inspiration it would be much appreciated.


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